一个人

一个人的日子，也许是孤单。

发现了原来一个人的空间是自由的，有限的快乐，有限的悲伤，有限的想法，有限的承担，有限的烦恼，有限的约束，至少一切都是有限的。喜欢上了一个人的日子，原来不过是这样...

天下之大，想要找一处完全属于自己的空洞，发觉那只不过是幻想的一种层次。也许只有在梦中，觅寻着自我的痕迹，才发现走过的路，不止一双脚印，原来一路上的我都有人陪伴着。是朋友是敌人，迷惘了...分享着生活的点滴。

曾经听过的一个人旅行，离开那熟悉的环境，到远方的角落，环绕着的是陌生。无人知晓的我，好像到了一个不属于自己的世界，是新生活...还是一种挑战...很想就这样抛开现实的缠绕，是梦的开始，只是缺乏了勇气，无法为自己那可怜的自尊铺一道理想的桥梁。就是那无法实现的梦想，鼓励着存在的意义。

想过无法面对的是世界丑陋的一面，其实无法面对的是自己。没有永远到达不了的天堂，只是没有踏出地狱的信心。不是不能，只是不想。在实践每一个不可能时，在乎的并非力量的根源，只是追根究底的都是我一个人的事。在竞争中，总想着茁壮地冲出每一道墙，为胜利喝彩，看透失败。承受结果的心，该改变还是该接受，也许自己的思绪也无法辩解内心深处的筋。不了解的是我，不同的是因，不想的是果。只是又有谁可以毫无保留地敞开胸怀，为过去，为现在，为将来，为一切的一切说不呢...

选择了一个人的日子，没有负担，没有猜疑，没有伤害，没有...选择了一个回不到的过去，曾经以为被了解了，也许根本不想去想，不是我放弃了，只是原来都是误会。以为是真正地开始，其实是结束的时候。成长的过程，忽略了并不表示不存在，只是藏匿在某处。是天时地利人和，是要在乎的时候...

夜的秘密

那是个寂寞的夜晚。尽管紧闭着双眼，可那忐忑的心，好像失了魂似的。倾听着窗外的嘀嗒声，是雨...轻轻地打在窗沿上。带着那沉重的脚步，走在湿漉漉的街道。手里的伞，颤抖着，是风...是寒...也许只是...望着地上向前倾的影子，那是路灯站着的位子。影子...是灯光的照射，发现了它的踪影。黑暗中，它存在，只是隐藏着。是它，永远的伙伴，有着离不开的理由。欢乐或悲伤，孤独的我其实并不孤独。或许是夜的宁静，或许是空虚的心，那迎面的秋风，显得特别寒冷。湖畔前，站着一个熟悉的背影。是梦里的她，还记得那薰衣草的味道，是随风飘扬的长发，扑鼻而来。是这忘不了的味道，领导着我，走向这没尽头的路。茫茫的雾气，模糊了。也许这是一场梦，但有着这样的决心，不期望醒来的那一刻。活在充满谎言的世界，逃离那弥漫着浓浓的仇。欺骗，是美丽的误会，思绪的缠绕，那是虚幻无实所带来的感觉。缓慢地步行，紧靠着，是躯体。可那两颗心的距离，好似两旁的景象，越离越远。后悔了，后悔没珍惜那个拥抱着幸福的当初。混乱了，混乱那糟透无知的童话，那是不可能到达的极端。破晓的日出，那是唯一的记忆，是结束...是开始...眼前的红球，悄悄地升起，是温的。望着离去的影子，心是昨夜的呼喊，刺痛那忘不了的夜。等待昨夜的到来，等待夜的秘密...

镜子里的我

镜子里的我
不是我

看着镜子里的我
那张脸孔
虚伪的外壳
保护着
内心的沉寂

无声的呼吸
夜的风
泪干了
小丑的笑
淌着血的心
黑暗的夜空
是点点的星
陪伴着那无助的情

残酷的旅程
无知的伴
心在感受着
世界
现实的眼
是虚伪
只是错过了

秋的叶
风的咆哮
自由的风筝
飘扬着
只是没了方向
被牵着的线
回到了原点

过去的痛
是孔
无底的洞
记忆里的影子
是清晰
是模糊
那是回不去的从前

天气预报
烈日的阳
离开的背影
眼前的我
是无情的雨
夺走了幸福
雨后的彩虹
是走向天堂的桥

帆
无际的海洋
指南针
该往哪里走
无忧无虑
只是暴风雨的前夕
毁了梦的开始

时针逆向转
黎明的夕阳
傍晚的日出
夏的雪
冬的阳
历史的记载
若可以改变

镜子里的我
不是我

LEARNING

Learning...we are learning everyday
In many area, consciously or unconsciously
I'm learning to forget something
Something unwillingly...something around me
Try to get off the uncertainty... try to live in my way
I'm learning to live happily...without any trouble
I'm learning to conquer the suck in life...get the freedom
I'm learning to accept the facts...no matter how hard is it
I'm learning to behave properly...as a girl
I'm learning to respect...make people feel comfortable with my way
I'm learning to control the heart...don't be too emotional
I'm learning to be simple...not complicated
Learning...the direction of life...

WAITING FOR YESTERDAY

Many people asked me...what's mean with waiting for yesterday? Actually just a thinking...waiting for something that wouldn't come true. Thats the reality in life. We always wait for nothing. Although we might know that what we wish will never be what we hold. Thats the fact. Maybe we need some times to accommodate. Maybe we should change our mind. Maybe just let the time be the way to where shall we go. All about heart. Thinking is where our heart belong to. How we think, will reflect as how we feel. Maybe you will think that why so stupid? Why waiting for something that not belong to you? Thats the problem. Emotion is very hard to be controlled. Then there is a dream. Hope that one day then everything become the part of your life. Because of dream...our life become more interesting. Because of dream...we can proceed our life in such a wonderful way. Because our heart always full of dreams...

FINALLY

Finally finished my 1st year life here! The moment that I waiting for...but not as expected. Nevermind la...everything is over. Har...one year already? Wow...damn fast. Still fresh here. Think back....really can't remember what I had done for the past year. Still in memory, the 1st day when I step in USM ENGINEERING CAMPUS...new place, new study,new friends.... everything is strange for me. Thought that I can't accommodate with such conditions. For me at least, fear to accept new things...fear with alien. However, actually not such bad as I think. Everything is fine here. Friends...study...I can achieve it. So nice...know a lot of new friends. Make me a support here since I not really enjoy campus life. Already familiar with the life here. Should be...still 3 years to stay in this campus...with my lovely friends and books...haha. 3 years...like so long. Not really actually...will tick away unconsciously. Hope that time can stop here...just here. So relax...no stress...what I can observe now is pretty things. How a beautiful world....!! Dream can la...reality where got such thing want...haha. But dreaming also one of the way to get out of the stupid in reality...not bad...should dream more...2 months wouldn't be here lo. Erm...is good for me? Or what? Homing...sure good. But still haven't plan how to pass this 2 months free life. Working...lazy? Touring...go where? Really no idea. Just let time be the guide to where should I heading to. Don't want think too much. Just empty my mind...at least for this moment. My friends here...will miss you all. 2 months...just like a flash...keep in touch ya...

COMPLICATED

What's the feeling now? Don't know...just complicated can explain what actually i feel now. Something inside....something willingly or unwillingly,cant differentiate anymore. I want to shout out my thinking,but no words...I want to state clearly what actually inside it, but nothing.Like got something,but nothing.Hope that somebody come across and tell me what am I need to do now. Lost the direction, lost in mind...lost everything. Empty...